Peter White Cycles is now the exclusive US supplier for many high quality Weapons of Mass Destruction. With the demise of Saddam Hussein's Iraqi government, WMDs have inexplicably become hard to find on the world market. As an experienced importer of many high quality consumer products, we feel we are in a position to supply your WMD needs at competitive prices without compromising our high standards of customer service. While others are having difficulty locating reliable sources of WMDs, we believe it's a simple matter of knowing where to look. And, well, of course, where not to look.

Due to federal regulations, payment for all WMDs must be made through our bank in Nigeria.

Turrrrrrrists Beware!

Peter White Cycles will not sell WMDs to known terrorists.


On sale this month, Liquid Anthrax in 50 gallon drums. We need to move these quickly, as the drums are starting to leak, and we don't want any trouble with the board of health.

Regularly $1999.95, now only $1499.95!

Aerosol Anthrax in our exclusive environmentally safe "CFC free" propellent spray cans: $79.95 6oz. Help protect the ozone layer!

Botulinum Toxin

A WMD with many uses! You can wipe out entire neighborhoods, and small amounts injected in your face will give you that vacuous Fox News Anchor-Babe look!

$49.95 oz.

Weapons Grade Plutonium

We got this on a close-out deal from Saddam a while back. This is strictly for the do-it-yourselfer. And it's a perfect add-on to junior's chemistry set. Buy in large quantities with confidence. With a half-life of 250,000 years, it will stay fresh on the shelf. No refrigeration required!

$199.95 5oz bottle

$799.95 25oz bottle

The Testicle Toaster

Feel like grilling your gonads? The Testicle Toaster has been tested and approved by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. It even comes with a certificate of authenticity, signed by the underwear bomber himself.

Only three easy payments of $29.95

But Wait! Buy now, and we'll throw in a second Testicle Toaster for free! Why toast just one?

US Air Force Surplus Cluster Bombs

Just one bomb contains hundreds of colorful bomblets! Technically not a WMD, but the bright yellow and orange paint schemes go so well with other children's toys, well, I just couldn't resist. Great for Halloween handouts! $99.95 each.

Just in!

NOS (new old stock) Hiroshima Fat Boy nukes. Yup, they had more. We found them in a warehouse (Isn't Google wonderful?) and made the Pentagon an offer they couldn't refuse, given the soaring national debt. US Government certified! These are in pristine shape. Kinda big and heavy, but a bargain at only $7,999.95

Period correct B29 Stratofortress available for only $6999.95 when purchased with a Fat Boy. Ya gotta get it over the target somehow. Why not go in style?

New for 2011!

In sole partnership with the Usama bin Laden Family Trust, Peter White Cycles proudly announces an all new, never before imagined, more devious, more diabolical, and more deadly than ever, WMD. We are now the exclusive source for these wicked doomsday-grade pornographic purveyances of pure evil.

Weapons of Mass Turbation!

These photos were all approved by Usama bin Laden himself, shortly before he went to heaven. One look at these vile images, and you'll know why he died a happy man. Choose from several fiendish categories:

Men tending sheep!
Women riding horses!
Girls playing with dolls!
Little boys peeking through key holes!
Mothers bathing their infant children!

And, best of all…

People kissing in public! AAARRRGGHHHH!!!

Run for your lives!

Price per deadly photograph: 1 Virgin.

And let's not forget the most deadly WMD of all, the dreaded Box Cutter. As long as governments require able-bodied adults to behave like helpless children when riding in commercial jets, a simple Box Cutter is all you need to turn a peaceful airliner into a deadly weapon. In dollar cost per dead civilian, these are the most efficient WMDs ever devised. $2.99 each

Let's hope the US Government never allows American citizens to defend themselves, lest the Box Cutter lose its effectiveness, and The Turrrists will have to resort to using aircraft-carrier battle-groups to attack us.

For quick service call: 1 900 WMDs-R-US

Q: Why will there never be a coup d'état in Washington?

A: Because there's no American embassy there.

If you're an agent with the FBI, and feel an urge to do something rash, please read this first.